To a greater or lesser extent, we all have some sort of work persona. An image we want to project or a perceived weakness we want to protect. But how far should we take this? Will this separation provide an emotional shield to help you succeed, or can it actually be a barrier to engagement?
Several years ago, I thought I knew the answer to these questions. My work persona, was absolute. A binary separation between my working world and home life. And I believed this was the best and only way to advance my career. But then, something happened. A specific moment. A specific person, changed everything.
It all starts with my age…
Next year, I turn Fifty. This is not an article about the passing of the years and I will segway past that milestone with no fear. What is relevant, is how old I look. Because, I really don’t look Fifty. I look a lot younger. And as I reach my mid-life milestone, I have learnt to appreciate this gift. But that has not always been the case. In fact, for many years, I hated looking young. And it was all because of my job…
In my mid-twenties, I started a consultancy company with two colleagues. We specialised in a complex software solution and my primary role was to go to different customer sites and lead the implementation. And every single time it was the same experience. I would walk through the door, and see the look on our customer’s face: surprise; disappointment; scepticism. They would be expecting their experienced – and very expensive – consultant. And then I would walk in. Looking fifteen. Actually, looking like a fifteen year old on his one week work experience, who’s borrowed his Dad’s suit.
So, to protect myself, I created Work-Alex. Work-Alex was an almost schizophrenic break from my real personality. A relentless, work oriented professional with no interest in anything beyond the boundaries of getting the job done. I stopped sharing any part of myself – my interests, passions and personality, were all buried beneath my tireless work ethic. All of this because I thought people saw me as young. Inexperienced. And ultimately, unable to do the job. And I didn’t want to risk doing anything to support that perception. My persona was built with a singular and relentless purpose: to prove to people that I was the best person for the job. For any job.
On reflection, I understand that through the early years of my career, this approach may have helped. But as the people and world around me changed, I began to wonder. And then I received an email. An email that made me see things very differently. An email that helped me understand that Work-Alex, didn’t work anymore.
It was several years ago and I had been promoted to a new management role. Over the course of a weekend, I went from having zero direct reports, to twenty-five. The intention was for it to be a matrix management scenario with the operational deliverables covered elsewhere – except, well, let’s just say not everything always goes to plan in the corporate world. So I had the entire team looking to me to define their deliverables. Whilst I had my own deliverables to worry about. It was an overwhelming period.
Two weeks into the role my line manager asked me to present on a call with his manager, and several other senior leaders. Typically this would not have been a problem – I loved presenting. But this was not a typical time in my life, and at the moment my slide appeared, I froze. The weight of everything I was taking on hit me and squeezed the air from my lungs. My words started to come out, but they were breathless and barely coherent. My voice quivered, I gasped for breath and by the time I finally stumbled to the end of the first slide, I was happy for my line manager to jump in and pick up the narrative. It was, without a shadow of a doubt, a disaster.
I’ve always enjoyed presenting and considered it one of my strengths – and I knew my workload had caused the problem. I quickly spoke to my line manager, who had seen me present hundreds of times before, and he was understanding and appreciative of the situation. But there was something else that bothered me. Someone else. My managers, manager – her name was Mev and she was a colleague I respected and looked up to. She hadn’t seen me present hundreds of times, though. To her, maybe I regularly messed up presentations and wasn’t up to the job? So I emailed her about the wider situation and what I believed had happened.
To this day, I remember the moment I received the response. It would have been easy for her to ping a brief reply. But she didn’t. What she sent was a lengthy email talking about a situation from her past. A situation she had overcome, and some tips she had used that could help me. I cannot describe how much this meant to me. This was someone not only understanding the problem, but opening up and sharing their challenges. Showing me a common bond. Being vulnerable. I immediately recognised this for what it was: true leadership.
And right there, Work-Alex died. Because I knew, I would never, ever, have sent that email. I simply could not comprehend sharing something so personal. Something that could have been perceived as a weakness. It was a revelation. A truly different and better way of thinking. An approach that I could only aspire to replicate. As I look back on that moment, there is a quote from Simon Sinek that comes to mind. It sums up everything within that email, and everything that I had been getting wrong:
“A leader, first and foremost, is human. Only when we have the strength to show our vulnerability can we truly lead.”
Over the last few months I have shared a lot, and it has been a universally positive experience. I have made connections that wouldn’t have happened otherwise and I feel it has benefitted my work and personal life beyond measure. And that moment, that email, was a pivotal step in gaining the perspective and knowledge to be able to do so.
So maybe it is time to ask yourself. Do you have a work persona? And if so, is it still working for you? Because for me Work-Alex is gone. It’s just Alex now…
